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When I was in my twenties, I could pull multiple all-nighters and could function well with annoyingly perky enthusiasm. Now in my (late) thirties, I find that one night of staying up past 2am throws me off-kilter for days on end. I am constantly tired and catch myself pouring salt into my morning tea and absentmindedly mixing up the whites with the colors whilst doing laundry.
With an upcoming art show (just a teeny one at a coffee shop this time but time consuming nonetheless), dresses to design/sew/package for a local boutique, my husband's start-up company to assist with, and an increasingly demanding toddler to boot, my time is critically maxed out. I want my twenty-year-old stamina back! Things will be a little quiet around here as I try to figure out how to juggle everything.
Oh, the cluck struck midnight, and this old pumpkin needs to haul herself to bed. Good night!
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
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Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
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In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
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Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
It's not enough to spam a man, you must also do so while insulting his penis.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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