Revering Reality

There has been a proposal. And there has been a teary, crumple-faced 'yes'. However, I'm freaked out by the whole idea of a wedding. I was never the kind of girl who planned her colors or perused Bride magazine with avid interest. Oh, I saw kids in my future. I even envisioned a possible husband (though to be honest, my visions usually had a slightly downtrodden aura of single motherhood). I just didn't daydream about walking down the aisle decked out in lace and tulle and all that puffy whiteness.

Don't get me wrong, it's amazing to be engaged. I gaze at the sparkly ring on my chubby left finger and am in a bit of a daze. I used to ask people, "how do you know?" How do you know when you've met the right one? I've heard stories about people locking eyes across a crowded restaurant and within minutes, they found themselves honeymooning in Bora Bora. Or about past lovers re-connecting and falling head over heels anew at a 30th high school reunion.

Relationships require herculean strength and a colossal amount of forgiveness. If you let yourself, the bad and sad parts can demoralize you and force you to question your sanity. Then again, if you ignore the problems, you face the danger of watching your honey morph into a stranger who is secretly screwing a stripper.

I've come to the conclusion it's about maintaining an almost religious reverence to reality. You have to be able to lovingly tend to athlete's foot, breathe the stinkiest morning breath, withstand truly evil PMS mood swings and still look each other in the eye. With past relationships, I was ready to break up if the guy farted. I used to gloss over the obvious issues. Like the fact that I had a penchant for dating men who inevitably discovered their inner gay boy. Denial isn't a river in Egypt and all that.

Reality isn't a downer. It's an incredible feeling to know that despite stretch marks, a propensity for dorkiness, and other unspeakable defects, someone loves and trusts me enough to want to invest a lifetime into this relationship. What a relief to know that I can be exactly myself and that's enough. The best part is that it works both ways. I am going to be a wife. With a husband! How weird. How remarkable.